"FOR MOMS"

5/13/01 (Mother's Day) - Traditional Services
The Rev. Alan Jackson
with
Christi Silver,
Barbara McLeod,
& Anita Snook

SERMON

(Note: For Mother's Day, instead of a traditional sermon delivered by a pastor, Rev. Alan Jackson introduced three of the women from our congregation, Christi Silver, Barbara McLeod and Anita Snook, who each spoke about unique reflections on motherhood as perceived from their respective lives. You can hear what they said to our congregation at our worship services by using the audio link below on this page.) 

Christi Silver's Message

One of my favorite things to do is work in my flower gardens. Almost every day at some point you can find me outside planting, watering, weeding, fertilizing, or just admiring the flowers. My most recent gardening project is a rose garden. In it are 12 rose bushes each symbolizing a loved one. Some are in memory of loved ones who have died and others are in honor of loved ones alive. There is a bush in honor of each of my three children and I tried to choose a variety or color of bush that represents each one's personality.

Even as a child I enjoyed flowers. I can vividly remember the yellow cactus blooms, cherry red hibiscus blooms and at certain times of year the orange blossoms all around our house in central Florida. There is only one Mother's Day gift I can remember giving my mother when I was a child - you guessed it - flowers. I took a green plastic basket (the kind you used to buy berries in) and filled it with flowers from the fields around my house - there were probably even a few dandelions in the mix.

When I was growing up I didn't think about being a mother. I thought I would be an independent woman with an extraordinary and important job in which I would accomplish fantastic feats. As is often the case God twists and turns our lives in ways we can not imagine and we find ourselves in places we never expected. He has done so with my life and I find myself a mom at home in the business of raising three children - ages 10, 8, and 2 - and an energetic 8 month old Labrador puppy.

When Joshua was a baby and toddler I was working full-time in the admissions office at Fuller Seminary while Bruce was attending school there. Joshua spent more time with dad than with Mom. After Bruce graduated, became ordained and received his first call to a church in Aurora, IL I found myself a full-time stay at home mom. It took some adjustments for all of us. Joshua even asked Bruce one day not too long after we had moved to Aurora "Dad, when if Mom going back to work so you can stay home with me?" Since then we have all adjusted to mom being home. I have held part-time jobs along the way but being a wife and mother takes first priority and keeps me busy. Busy enough that it is not often I take the opportunity to reflect on anything other than the tasks of running the business of home life. However, since Alan asked me to share some of my thoughts on motherhood I have taken the opportunity to reflect on what motherhood means to me.

It occurred to me that being a mother is much like being a gardener. To grow beautiful flowers one must prepare the soil, plant the seeds or plants, water, fertilize, prune and weed. These tasks take time and patience. Sometimes the results aren't quite what you hope for and other times you are pleasantly surprised by the outcome of your efforts. Of course even with all of one's work in the garden, there are things on can not control such as the weather. And what exactly makes a flower grow? Yes, the sun, rain, and proper nutrients make it possible but God provides the extra miracle that pushes the flower up through the ground and into a lovely bloom. In Edgar Guest's poem "The Package of Seeds" my thoughts about God's extra miracle are expressed. It goes like this.

I paid a dime for a package of seeds
And the clerk tossed them out with a flip.
"We've got'em assorted for every man's needs,"
He said with a smile on his lip,
"Pansies and poppies and asters and peas!
Ten cents a package! And pick as you please!"

Now seeds are just dimes to the man in the store,
And the dimes are the things that he needs;
And I've been to buy them in seasons before,
But have thought of them merely as seeds.
But it flashed through my mind as I took them this time,
"You have purchased a miracle here for a dime!"

"You've a dime's worth of power which no man can create,
You've a dime's worth of life in your hand!
You've a dime's worth of mystery, destiny, fate,
Which the wisest cannot understand.
In this bright little package, now isn't it odd?
You've a dime's worth of something know only to God!"

Like a gardener a mother has many tasks to perform to raise children. First there are the preparation for a baby's birth - also a marriage to keep strong to provide a good home for your child and of course lots of prayer - these are like the gardener preparing the soil for planting. All of a mother's tasks like 2 AM feeding, changing diapers, laundry, housecleaning, are like weeding in the garden - they must be done and no matter how many times you do them - there's more to do the next day. The emotional nurture and teaching children need is a little like fertilizing in the garden. The encouragement and assistance given to a child are a bit like watering a plant. Then there's the discipline needed to raise a healthy child - this is similar to pruning a plant or killing the bugs that are harmful to a precious plant.

One of my greatest joys is to look in my garden to see blooms opening up in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. It always brings a smile to my soul and it's the reward for my work as a gardener. My children's smiles, hugs, kisses, giggles, and homemade gifts are just some of the rewards for my work as a mother. They are also some of my greatest joys.

My children are still in the spring of life and I enjoy the new leaves and buds I see forming in their lives. I'll keep doing my part and I'll trust God to do His miracles in Josh, Rachel, and Hannah's lives. Only He knows what color and shape their blooms will be in their maturity.

Christi Silver

I have struggled - a lot - with what to say today. I have prayed a lot, actually every time I have thought about it. Mother's Day has been one of the most difficult days of the year for me for many reasons. I have adjusted to the reality of some of the situations. The biggest blessing I have on this day now is my Mother-in-Law. My relationship with her has gone a long way toward a new look at this day. She is loving and caring and we enjoy each other. Also, something Alan said when we talked about this also gave me some thoughts.
 
My mother died over 30 years ago. She gave my brother and I the best care and mothering she knew how to give. She gave us all the love she had to give. For those great gifts I am profoundly grateful.
I planned to be a mother. In my generation, at that time, few girls did not expect to be mothers. I started baby sitting at 12. at 14 I started helping and teaching in the Sunday School. I would teach Sunday School for many years.
 
Eventually, I did marry. Plan: We would wait a couple years and then have children. I really wanted my family started before I was 30. That did not happen. When I was 29 and 30, I was very angry about this childless state. I was angry at God and unhappy enough to be difficult to get along with. Each month there was another reminder of this disappointment.
 
Eventually, I realized that I needed to change my attitude or become a bitter person. The prayers changed from "Lord, give me a baby." to "Lord, show me how to deal with this." God has ALWAYS helped me with prayers like this last one. It took time, but The Lord did help me come to terms with this lack of children and find some healthier ways to deal with this.
 
To make a long story short, the next several years were marked by two signal events. I completed my Bachelor of Science of Nursing at Mercy College of Detroit in (of course) Detroit Michigan. The second event was that my first marriage, always difficult and challenging, died. After that came years of rebuilding myself and trying to find my niche in nursing.
 
Major components in finding my place in Nursing included these ingredients. My Senior Preceptorship had been in Hospice. I enjoyed older people. I also found that somewhere over the course of life I had developed a lot of patience (and a somewhat twisted sense of humor). Another gift was common sense.
 
These gifts seemed tailored for Long Term Care Nursing. I quickly realized that the approach to Long Term Care that gave it meaning was to look at it in terms of giving the residents the best life they can have every day. This makes Long Term Care similar to family life in many ways.
 
In Long Term Care, the Nursing Assistants, Certified and uncertified are essential. It is a very hard, often thankless, job. The lives of these essential staff members are often extremely difficult. Soap Opera plots pale beside the lives of some of these people. My new office partner decided my role in the facility is that of "Mama bear." Working with staff and helping them find resources to change their lives is a part of the job as far as I am concerned. As with all such efforts, I can present opportunities, but the staff have to choose what and/or how to respond to the offers.
 
I have served as a primary instructor for classes to train nursing assistants. Most of the time this is another win:win situation. It is exciting. These are often people who have been unemployed, are trying to get started in life, or who are trying to get re-started on life. We work very successfully with the agencies in the valley to identify people who can use and will use the education of a nursing assistant class to get themselves employed. Two stand out for me. Both had broken marriages. The first example had been a nurse outside this country and has become an excellent certified nursing assistant. She is working to complete a nursing program so she can again practice as a registered nurse All I did was say "Yes" to her application, offer the information, and serve as a cheer leader while she took off.
 
I had some qualms about the second trainee. This person had no care-giving background and other complications in life as well. Something said: "Take the chance." Wow! Has it been worth it. We have gained a great certified nursing assistant. A person that saw themselves as totally worthless has done extremely well for us and in other areas of life as well. This person is seriously considering whether to become a nurse as part of supporting her single parent family.
 
The feelings I have when these things happen must be similar to what parents feel as they watch their own children mature. At any rate, the Holy Spirit has helped me hugely to enjoy others' successes in this context. I know better than to think it is me. These people make their own lives. I just form part of the cheering section - and sometimes help them find a tool or two to help them along. It helps me feel that I am giving something of value to the next generation.
 
I also have the good feeling of giving to the previous generation. I have returned to more direct care after some years of indirect care. I am relearning some things, and there are more forms to fill out than before. I have always enjoyed taking a few minutes here and there to interact with residents. In Long Term care, we have to strike a delicate balance. We can't give good care and be too disconnected from the people we care for. However, a large majority of the residents in long term care will end their lives in such a facility. On the whole, that is acceptable. Most of our people have lived long and productive lives. When it happens too often, and too close together (as it has this winter) we lose a lot of "family" quickly and it stretches personal resources to the limit. The family of the resident, the resident, and the staff all need support through this process. I just realized as I wrote this, that this is a "Mom" role to the hilt. I cannot do it without the daily presence of the Holy Spirit. As I go to talk about these difficult events, all I usually have time for is: "OK, Lord, please put the right words in my mouth." It really helps to have an infinite script writer. I only get into difficulties when I forget to ask for the help.
 
Reward for this part of my role in life? Most of it will have to wait. I have this fantasy that when I get to heaven, and meet some of our residents who were so confused and disabled when I knew them, I will introduce myself to them and we will talk. They probably will not remember me or any details of any care I gave. I would be deeply honored, though, if any of these people could say: "Your voice is familiar, I have good feelings when I hear it." Or, perhaps: "Your face is familiar, I feel comfortable when I see it." That would be reward indeed.
 
This is how one childless woman has dealt with "mothering"/nurturing roles.. The story is not finished. I have also been able to enjoy other people's children, and have had the pleasure of caring for some of them from time to time. With a pair of these young people, this has been ongoing for a number of years. Friday evening, I got to hear the younger one perform the lead in "Godspell." I was SOOOOOOOO proud of him! This week, I get to go hear my nephew, who is a Senior at Pacific Lutheran, do his Senior recital as a voice major and sing in Verdi's Requiem. Being an aunt or an occasional caring adult has its "percs.." As the young people in my life do special things, and I watch each of them grow and shine in what they do, I feel vast love for them and all I can do is cheer them on.
 
We all have lost roles in our lives. This is my story of how I deal with mine. Once you come to terms with the pain of losing a cherished dream, ask the Lord: "OK God, what do you want me to do now?" God's answer may be more satisfying than you could have imagined.
 
Barbara McLeod
 
 

When you come to our home, you'll discover many things I love…..antiques, Teddy bears, quilts, tea cups, things of the Amish, precious porcelain dolls made by my mother, beautiful wooden clocks handcrafted by my father……but most precious to me is something that cannot be displayed. It is my own collection of memories.

These memory treasures require no storage room (much to my husband's delight!). They take only the space in my heart. They can be enjoyed and remembered at any time.

Today I feel honored to share with you some of my thoughts on being a child of God, a mother and a grandmother. (Funny how that works out to three points isn't it, Alan?)

I was an ONLY child raised on conditional love. I learned very early in life that only good behavior was rewarded with love. My parents were never able to grasp Jesus' principle "love the person, not necessarily what they do."

Last week Alan defined a parent as one who provides shelter, nurture and physical care. Unfortunately for me, I lacked the nurture in my upbringing. I've long since forgiven my mom and dad, though, because they did the best job they knew how.

When I grew up and learned more about God's unconditional love for me, I promised myself that when I had my own family, I wanted to love them exactly that way too. I wanted to convey to them that although I may not like their choices or agree with their actions, I would always love them. As a parent I tried to separate the action from the child….. "I don't like what you did, but I love you". There is an anonymous saying that "a child needs love most when he or she deserves it least".

Bill came into my life almost 34 years ago. We met on a blind date and were married 6 weeks later. When God blessed us with two sons, I faced the challenge of putting unconditional love into practice and discovering what being a mother was all about.

Pam Brown wrote that "whatever time and circumstance may come between a mother and her child, their lives are interwoven forever".

Here are few examples from my motherhood memory book:

1) holding our boys as newborns with amazement as to how we and God had created these miracles together

2) remembering the treasured artwork long since removed from the refrigerator and stored in the kids memorabilia boxes

3) squeezing the small hands that automatically reached for mine wherever we walked

4) snuggling up together to read a favorite story even though the kids had the book memorized. They listened as if they had never heard it before but certainly didn't hesitate to correct me if I made any mistakes

5) attending church together as a young family when I could still decide what was appropriate for them to wear.

6) Seeing their joy and excitement on Christmas morning through tired and blurry eyes of my own because I'd been up most of the night helping Santa

7) Feeling relief when another emergency room visit revealed nothing
more serious than a broken bone or a few stitches

8) trying not to laugh when our youngest son came to the dinner table with white stuff smeared all around his temples. I had given him deodorant to use and he applied it there because that's where he sweat the most.

9) feeling the lump in my throat watching one of them perform in a school play or show his 4H steer at the county fair and then bursting with pride over each of their accomplishments

10) spending several hours a day in the carpool of life

11) having to replace a refrigerator because they burned up the motor just by constantly holding the door open and staring inside "to see what there
was to eat"

12) refereeing the two most popular games while riding in a car: "who gets
the front seat" and "he's touching me"

13) patiently trying to teach driving skills only to be asked if I could duck
down on the floor while we drove through town so their friends wouldn't
see me

14) staying up late at night to care for them when they were younger
and when they were older, finally being able to go to sleep when they
arrived home safely.

By the way, we used the "beat the clock" system quite effectively. Before going to bed we put an alarm clock on our dresser which was set to go off at the designated time they were to be home. Their job was to get home in time to turn off the alarm.

Other pages include……………….

15) being able to spot our sons in a sea of graduation caps and gowns
because I recognized their posture and walk

16) watching both boys grow into fine young men choosing very different
careers to match their individual personalities

17) being mother of the groom and welcoming a daughter-in-law

There are some pages in my memory book that are dark and painful.

1) Those Mother's days that went by when the kids were too busy with their own lives or simply forgot to call or send a card.

2) All the inappropriate decisions and choices I made as a mom.

3) My own lack of parenting skills.

4) The unbearable pain of my own mom's loss that made celebrating Mother's Day very difficult

In those times, fortunately, my loving husband filled in the gaps and celebrated me as the "mother of his children". Another glimpse of how God provided someone to love and care for me when I needed it most.

My timeless treasury book continues as a grandmother of three…. two grandsons ages 11 and 7 and a granddaughter almost 3. Holding each of these grandchildren for the first time and trying to comprehend the connectedness between them, our own children, our parents and their parents and so on was overwhelming.

I think being a grandparent is an important role model. Unfortunately I've always been a long distance grandma. That's hard for me because I'm afraid I won't impact their lives since I don't see them often. God provides us with tools of experience, the availability of time and the maturity to teach our grandchildren and make a difference in their lives. I just need to trust Him that I can do all this in short visits. Above all, I want my grandkids to know that I am always there for them and love them unconditionally. Love is the beauty we take with us wherever we go.

There are many blank pages yet to be filled in my memory scrapbook. Without family close-by, my volunteer time here as a deacon and at the hospital allow me to continue to "mother" and care for others. I'm especially proud of my newest title within our handbell choir. I'm known as "Ma Bell".

I believe the message that God is trying to tell me from my experience as a child, a mother and a grandmother is that we are each part of one another. No matter who we are or what path we're following, we are all connected to one another in the mystery, pain and beauty of life. God's unconditional acceptance is that we are all the same inside. Care is the golden thread that connects us all.

Our time on earth is made up of moments, each one sacred. We weave together precious strands of time to create the fabric of our living. It is a miraculous journey we all share------this tapestry of human experience----for it is rich with blessings and God's grace. The journey is far too brief and fragile to let moments go by without acknowledging the wondrous gift we have been given.

Motherhood is a divine opportunity of sharing treasures within our souls----of expressing kindred understanding, lending a warm touch of faith.

Flavia created a beautiful card that says: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same." I think God created mothers to do the same.

Thank you for letting me share some of the treasures I hold dear.

Anita Snook

 

amen

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